HOLY REFLECTIONS FROM A HOLY WEEK

On Good Friday afternoon, seven wise and brave members of All Souls shared how their own stories intertwined with Jesus’ last words. Today and in coming weeks, we will be offering some of those reflections, with gratitude.

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” – Matthew 27:46 and Mark 15:34

This is not the reading I would have chosen. Here is Jesus, our Jesus, feeling renounced, abandoned, betrayed. Forsaken, never more human than at this moment, bearing pain that was beyond bearing. He cried out to the God of everything, knowing that he himself had faithfully done all he had been sent here to do, why have YOU forsaken ME? It was an agonized communication, an intimate one. He knew that God was right there.

We watch and listen, as the witnesses did then, and there is nothing we can do. Although we know how it will all turn out, we set that aside right now and focus on his suffering, because we are obligated to be with him, and with each other, even through this. Even through this.

So it’s not the reading I would have chosen. But it is the one that was sent to me, and it has opened an important door, so it’s the right reading. Just not an easy one.

I have a friend who often cavalierly says, “Isn’t it interesting how things usually work out.” For her, it’s true; in a worldly way, she has a blessed life. But of course that isn’t true for many people, probably most, in fact. While we are still here in this life, we witness many tragic things, as those at the foot of the cross did, and we cling to the knowledge that God is right there in the midst of it all. We find our way through those times, as Jesus did, because we know about grace, and blessing, as Jesus did.

In 1979, I was in the home of the one most dear to me and witnessed a vicious attack on her, during which she was shot five times. I could not prevent it or escape it, and I did not expect to survive it. My life, as the saying goes, flashed before my eyes.

“Witness” is a legal and a theological term. Because I was a witness, I was compelled to testify (also a legal and a theological term), to look the shooter in the eye and say yes, this is the one. The victim was targeted because of work she had done trying to help people; I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. She had become discouraged and had stopped doing that work, for which they did not forgive her. The shooter was part of a gang, so although he went to prison, I became a target too, because of my testimony. I was advised by the District Attorney to change my place of residence.

A friend of the victim, the single mother of a baby named Aaron, offered to take me in. Her name was Ruth. She needed help and I needed a place to hide. Only when she promised to take Aaron and run, rather than trying to help me if anyone came after me, did I agree to move in with them. In taking that courageous and compassionate step, she gave me the greatest gift I have ever received, that of parenthood. This would not otherwise have happened.

When Ruth died of cancer 15 years later, I became Aaron’s guardian, and we lived together until he went away to college. It was during those difficult years with him that I came back to church, because I could not do what was required of me without a special kind of help. This too would not otherwise have happened, probably, although I know now that God had not stopped looking for me just because I had stopped looking for God. Now Aaron has a child of his own, a baby girl named Sonia, and God is in the midst of all that, too. In a few days I will go to New York to meet her. This would not otherwise have happened.

What are we to conclude from my story, on this most solemn of days? That my cavalier friend is correct, things do “usually work out”? No.

Terrible things happen, by evil, violence, disease, accident, stupidity, natural disasters. We have almost daily reminders of that. Jesus died an agonizing, violent death; the victim in my story survived the attack but suffered terribly and committed suicide a year later; Ruth will never hold her grandchild. We cannot control how “things work out;” the most we may be able to do is to try to have an effect on the painful experience, to offer comfort and support where we can, relying on God to be in the midst of it and to give us strength, and courage.

My close friend Helen has Alzheimer’s disease. During a recent visit, when she was still able to form complete sentences but was clearly very anxious, we were sitting quietly alone. Out of nowhere she said, “I don’t know where I am.” I took one breath and thought, God, help me. The words came to me immediately. “Helen, you’re right here with me. You are safe. Everything is all right.” She relaxed.

Of course everything was not all right and there isn’t much anybody can do about it. But everything was as all right as it could be at that moment, because I received help with what to say. And that was enough.

Blessings happen, and grace. And when they do, we must pass them on. Feeling forsaken as Jesus did, as the victim did that awful night of violence, as we did the day we buried Ruth, as Helen must feel from time to time, is not the final word. God sends help. Sometimes we are the help being sent. Other times we receive it. In my own darkest hours, I received many offers of help, some from people I did not even know.

The suffering of Jesus on the cross is quite beyond our comprehension, but we try. We remember it and honor it. Somewhere, in the layers of our grief, there is strength and courage. And something else. It is what kept those witnesses at the foot of the cross. It is what keeps us trying to help those in this life with us now, who feel betrayed and forsaken.

When Aaron was visiting here last summer, he and my partner Bonnie were alone for a minute. She said to him, referring to me, “She loves you more than anyone else on the planet.” And he answered, “I know.”

Out of the darkest nightmares comes what matters most, what mattered most to Jesus even in his forsakenness.

The near presence of God. In other words, love.

– Priscilla Camp

In thanksgiving for the life of Michael Horne

It is with heavy hearts that we share the news that Michael Horne died on April 11th. Please keep Diane Haavik, his wife, Erin Horne, his daughter, and the rest of his family and friends in your prayers. A memorial service in thanksgiving for his life will be held on April 30th at 11:00 am at the Pacific Lutheran Theological Seminary Chapel, 2770 Marin Avenue, with a reception to follow. All are welcome.

From the Associate for Ministry Development

Reflections on the Easter Vigil

Symposium: Going Through Hell

An interdisciplinary symposium on concepts of the afterlife and the works of Dante Alighieri and Hieronymous Bosch

When: April 19 & 20
Where:  St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, Berkeley.

The Episcopal Campus Ministry to UC Berkeley with cooperation from the Berkeley Center for the Study of Religion invites you to a two-day event. The symposium begins with afternoon tea at 4:30 pm on April 19th. An introductory talk and a presentation on William Blake’s illustrations of Dante follow. The evening concludes with a chanted compline service including songs used by Dante in the Purgatorio and projected images from Bosch. Wednesday continues with more presentations from 9:00 am.

Talks include: Dr. Morton Paley (Berkeley) – Blake’s illustrations of Dante, Dr. Bill Mahrt (Stanford) Silence in the Paradiso, Dr. Inez Hollander Lake (formerly of Berkeley) – Henry Miller and the Oranges of Bosch, Dr. Henrike Lange  (Berkeley) – Visibility and Invisibility of God in Dante and Bosch, Travis Stevens (Harvard) – Hell as Love’s Highest Name: Hadeqijch on Suffering in Heaven. More papers are in process and will be announced. The check out calepiscopal.org for more information as well.

FAMILY GATHERING AND POTLUCK

April 23rd, 4:30 pm, at the Koops-Elsons’ house

Parents, kids and youth, come enjoy each other’s company! We’ll have the grill fired up if you want to to throw something on, or bring other food or bevs to share. The goal is fun, not fancy. Bring your kids and youth (they’ll be excited about the massive rope swing and tree house!) and have a relaxed evening connecting with All Soulsian parents. If you have parent friends who are interested in All Souls but wary of going to church, invite them! Please email Liz or Jeannie to RSVP and to get directions, and/or add what you plan to bring to this google doc.

LAST CALL FOR HIGH SCHOOL IMMERSION TRIP!!!